Tears are really just buds of growth and confidence

It's been a week of seeing a few tears in others and seeking uncertainty shake confidence at work.

Not the first time and won't be the last time.

I will declare that I see tears are signs of strength, an expression of pent up emotions and I would challenge anyone who claims they haven't done this at work or in relation to it.....

When were my first tears?

Crying in front of my first surgical bosses when I forgot to prescribe antibiotics for an patient. He was so patient and I don't think I ever thanked him for his patience.

Thankyou Mr Robertson you are a gem. You are because maybe it was the first time I thought it was ok to cry in front of someone who I thought would have ignored them.

Cried in front of my first consultant friend (I define this as the first reg who became a consultant and my boss) following an unpleasant encounter with an angry relative.

Thankyou Kamel Sharobeem for being that patient boss & also being one of the few friends I have shared my vulnerability with in the past year. 

Tears have come few to me since but showing emotions in this way shouldn't be seen as a sign of defeat but as a sign of release. Releasing pent up frustrations, whether they're at yourself or others! They do come as a result of annoyance and anger, though this I would say be better to release those emotions in front of someone trusted.....not in the form of an email or that WhatsApp message or conversation that always seems endless!

Having a wobble is human nature right? Why then is it seen as a sign of weakness in the medical world? Probably because it's also taught to try to remain formal and remain immune.

I was reminded when I saw a real life example of a students apathetic effect in recent student exams. I did feedback professionally that its ok to show some emotion in approach to a consultation, even though as examiners we're advised not to praise or show that emotion ourselves! Nerves however work well to feed that picture of apathy! I think she just wanted that 10 minutes to be over as soon as!

Maybe then the key is to start educating earlier that its ok to be upset and shed a tear

Teach your students it's ok to cry, show them as teachers that emotion is a strength and if anything exposing yourself to being vulnerable when your confidence is shaken isn't a weakness. its a declaration of emotion that does need a release

Teach your residents and colleagues that showing emotion in the form of holding a sick patients hand or their relatives is very empowering. That being vulnerable with a patient is positive and all about connection. I admit your own emotional wellbeing is at risk here but the bind to being there in that moment is very hard to resist. Embrace that vulnerability once in a while...

I have to admit, plenty of peers have cried in front of me. Am I also the reason why people have cried? I will put my hands up here and say yes to this...

Though I've been informed the tears come due to the fear of disappointment, the fear of letting me down and the fear of me losing trust in them.

What a burden to bear and I know I have work to do. Difficult to apologise for my unattainable work standards but I know that's my cross to bear.

I won't ever turn away from those tears though......but will work harder to ensure I'm not the core reason behind them

The fledgling buds in the picture is that one of a generous gesture gifted to me (thankyou Rebecca Edwards )after mum had passed. I think the plant talks volumes of surviving all seasons & still fighting the good fight!

The buds of your own team and colleagues will only thrive through the various seasons of medicine through a good dose of water, sustenance and resilience. This will be rooted by those who are there to keep them afloat, that's the leader or the companion in that team that will listen, who will wipe up those tears and keep you going for another fine day in the job....

Until next time!